TikTok Is Probably Overall Terrible But Its Functionality Is *Definitely* Terrible
Cloud yelling
I really am not here to demonize TikTok on a global level.
For that, feel free to check out “7 Reasons TikTok is Bad For Everyone.”
While that list addresses crucial topics like privacy, addiction, and censorship, the following is more based on the most globally downloaded app being, well, shitty to use and experientially dissatisfying.
Because all apps want our time and money, right? So what makes this one stand out? Well…
1. Videos with no timestamps.
Notice anything at the bottom? Yeah, me neither. How long are we supposed to be watching this video designed primarily to… make us feel bad our lives continued?
It would be one thing if videos were capped at the original 15 seconds or even the one minute iteration, but in the era of 10 minute Toks, how on earth can we expect people to watch with literally no end in sight? It’s like wading into a raging river not knowing the depth.
Similar vein, but no 2x or even 1.5x speed options available? Podcasts have that, YouTube has that, so what gives, TikTok? It’s certainly not you handing us back our time, no siree; shit is a digital casino.
2. Atrocious editing. Videos always seem to end either two seconds too early or 90 seconds too late. And these are from popular accounts. Is this really the best we can offer? Maybe it’s because I’m more a child of six second Vines, but each individual second used to matter, people.
Watched one where a dude spends the whole video trying to get someone to agree to a parking lot haircut. While most of the people he encounters are basically like “?? get away from me, I’m just trying to shop,” he does finally find a taker. From there… payoff?! Not a chance, the video just ends. There is no parking lot haircut, friends. So what the hell did we just watch? The making of a potentially decent video? Good grief.
3. The algorithm is like the overzealous kid at school who will do anything to get you to be their friend. The worst part? The No. 1 thing TikTok users tell you if your feed mostly stinks: keep watching! Yep, you’ve got it all figured out.
4. There are better resources. If you want the good life, go to Instagram. If you want entertaining videos, go to YouTube. If you want gallows humor, Twitter has got you more than covered. Career posturing? LinkedIn. Nuanced discussions on niche topics? Podcasts. Esoteric? Reddit. TV shows? Can’t even count the streamers on two hands anymore.
(My brother-in-law said TikTok is good for recipes, and I have actually made a few over the years, so we’ll give them points for that.)
5. Ohhh, the dancing. This video flipbook of a stick figure TikTok dancing has 21 million views… and it’s one of the better ones out there. As always, the editing is terrible, and this 15 second clip features no dancing until the five second mark. You realize this is 33% of your video, right?
Vice actually interviewed some dancers to explain why all TikTok dances look the same:
“I would say that a TikTok dance is less about moves and more about the energy and the personality,” said Nika. “You’ll see people who literally are doing hardly anything in a TikTok dance and yet it goes viral just ‘cause the energy that they’re giving or the personality that they convey in that video is just so engaging and kinda mesmerizing to watch.”
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“TikTok dances are different because they are pretty much [designed] for the sole purpose of posting on TikTok,” said Izzy. While dances traditionally featured a social aspect — think dance-offs or a dance hall — TikTok dances are often recorded by creators alone, with the only social aspect being the imaginary connection between the dancer and their future phone-scrolling viewers.
6. No multitasking capability. Wait, hold up, I thought this app catered to people with short attention spans? On your phone, TikToks will not play in the background. On your computer, don’t you dare consider clicking into another tab; this action will immediately halt the sound and pause the video until you proactively return. Rigid, rigid, rigid. I know you might say “Most apps are like that,” to which I say “Not podcasts or YouTube Premium!”
7. TikTok murders texting momentum. Nothing bums me out more in the middle of texting someone in a public space than when they send a TikTok. If it’s YouTube, I could save to Watch Later (or pop in AirPods since it actually says the length of time it will take to consume). Twitter? Like and check later. IG? Bookmark.
For Tok? I find myself just wanting to wait until I get home to watch and respond. Because damn it, I will not be contributing additional audio pollution for a purposefully vague amount of time.
8. Pointless, truncated versions of otherwise available videos. This one hits near and dear to home. Often, on TikTok, you’ll see meh quality/vertically shot formats of YouTube videos you could just go watch on YouTube. And they aren’t edited in a quick or clever way where you’re trying to point out something funny or create a quick meme (like, say, this):
Six seconds, quick joke, boom — in and out. It’s a solid, B/B+ tweet. #sexcar
Here is the first Titanic meme that came up when I searched for the same on TikTok:
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
Our view count here? 92K for whatever the hell this is supposed to be. At least the caption has some accountability.
This Saturday Night Live sketch is actually on YouTube:
But why watch a horizontally shot video in HD when we could peep the 2:59 version posted by user big.kev.20 with seemingly no editorial vision or commentary:
Again, why make this? Why watch this?! Why?! You are purposefully consuming a worse version of something, for no real reason other than “It was right there in front of me.”
I mean, I guess they did take the time to write the name of the sketch at the beginning in a default text bubble; real cradle of creativity going on over there.
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If your counterarguments are “TikTok is not even for you!” or “You’re just doing it wrong”… to that, I say, touché.
You go enjoy your 2023 cigarettes while I rot my brain on the Images That Could Be Album Covers Twitter.